Telephone befriending – Barbara’s story

A double tragedy

As if losing your partner wasn’t a big enough blow to have to deal with, on top of this, Barbara from Devon also had to come to terms with losing her daughter to cancer.

Barbara explains, ‘My husband passed away 4 years ago. On the same day my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, so I was immediately caring for her. That lasted 3 years, then it went to her kidneys, and she passed away in a hospice. I think the worst thing was the loneliness. I was very, very, very lonely, and very, very, very sad.

‘I couldn’t tell you how I felt. Numb. I really didn’t have any feelings. That’s what frightened me in a way. I just survived day-to-day. It’s very difficult to explain. You just don’t believe it’s happened.’

Call in Time

Thankfully the story doesn’t end there. Barbara was referred to Age UK’s 'Call in Time' telephone befriending service by social services, through which, she was partnered up with her own befriender, Mel.

Talking about why she first decided to get involved with Call in Time, Mel comments, ‘It just sounded a really worthwhile thing to do, so I thought I’d give it a try. When I first started I didn’t think it would be as interesting as it turned out to be, but I find it very interesting. You build up a rapport with that person. You really look forward to talking to them as much as they look forward to talking to you. It’s something that builds up.’

Explaining how the service works, Barbara says: ‘They called me every day initially, then once a week. I still get that weekly phone call. The support I’ve been given has been constant and extremely helpful as I’ve had no one to talk to, so I could offload. It’s something to look forward to.’

‘I love hearing Barbara’s laugh’

One of the best things Mel loves about being a befriender is hearing Barbara’s laugh: ‘It’s so great, when she picks that phone up and you hear that lilt in her voice, and she says, “Oh Mel, I’ve been wanting to tell you something!” And I think what a wonderful week this will be. Things have been going well for her.’

Barbara is also a fan of the service, commenting: ‘The Call in Time service has helped me dramatically, because I know that that call is coming. If I’m upset I’ve got someone to talk to me, and if I’m happy I’ve got someone to share that with.

‘And as time passes, I’m feeling much better, but I couldn’t have coped without the support I got from the Call in Time team.’