Changes to intimacy in older age

There’s a common misconception that people stop having sex when they get older. But for many older people, sex and intimacy are important parts of life. 

Over time things change, physically and mentally. This can affect how you feel about intimacy.  The conversation around sexual health and wellbeing is more open and positive than it used to be. It’s much easier to access support if you need it. 

While everyone's experiences with sex is different here are two common experiences that can have an impact on your relationship with sex. 

Menopause 

Menopause is when someone’s periods stop permanently. It usually happens between the ages of 45 and 55. As oestrogen levels fall, it’s common to notice changes in sexual function. 

Some find that their interest in sex can decrease during and after menopause, while some find it increases.  

There are lots of symptoms of menopause, some of which can affect how sex feels. They include:  

• vaginal dryness 
• discomfort during sex 
• difficulty with feeling arousal and reaching orgasm 
• fatigue 
• hot flushes and night sweats 
• brain fog 
• mood changes.

Menopause is a natural part of aging, but it is common to struggle with the symptoms. If you are struggling, please talk to a doctor they will be able to suggest things to help. 

Erectile dysfunction. 

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is difficulty with getting or maintaining an erection. It can affect people at any age, but it’s more common later in life. It might happen regularly or only from time to time. 

Health conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease can all affect blood flow and nerve function, Low testosterone levels, mental health problems like stress and depression, and some medications can also cause ED. If you’re concerned that your health condition or your medication is making erections more difficult, speak to your doctor. 

There are treatments available for ED, including medication (such as Viagra) and devices to help you get an erection (such as vacuum pumps). Your doctor can help you find the right option.  

If you have a partner, try to communicate openly and honestly with them if you experience changes that affect your shared sex life. Even in secure, loving relationships, it’s quite common for partners to feel confused or rejected if sexual interest or function drops away. They might worry that they’ve done something wrong, or that they’re not as attractive to you anymore. 

Similarly, if your partner is experiencing changes, try to be supportive and understanding. The most important thing you can do is to keep talking to each other – even when it feels difficult.