Sex in later life

Many older people have an active sex life. While you might need to make some changes, sex and intimacy can still be an enjoyable part of later life.

Changes to sexual function

Many people find that their experience with sexual desire and function changes over time. While everyone's experiences are unique, there are some common changes that affect people as they get older.

Menopause

Menopause is when someone’s periods stop permanently. It normally happens between the ages of 45 and 55. As oestrogen levels fall, it’s common to notice changes in desire and sexual function.

Some symptoms of the menopause can interfere with or change someone’s sexual function. These include:

• vaginal dryness
• discomfort during sex
• difficulty with feeling arousal and reaching orgasm
• fatigue
• hot flushes and night sweats
• brain fog
• mood changes.

If you’re struggling with some of the symptoms of menopause, talk to your doctor. They may be able to prescribe treatments to help you manage your symptoms,. such as HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or vaginal moisturisers.

Find out more about the menopause. 

Erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is difficulty with getting or maintaining an erection. It can affect people at any age – but it’s more common later in life.

Among other factors, erectile dysfunction can be the result of:

• low testosterone
• some medical conditions – such as heart disease, high blood pressure, or diabetes
• side effects of some medications, including those for blood pressure or depression.

There are effective treatments available for ED. They include medication (such as Viagra) and devices to help you get an erection (such as vacuum pumps) – your doctor can help you decide on the right option for you.

As frustrating as ED may be, it’s important not to stop or start any medications without first consulting your doctor.

Making things easier

As we get older, we sometimes need to adapt how we do things – including sex. The good news is there are lots of things you can try to make intimacy more comfortable and enjoyable.

Sex aids and toys

Some aids are specially designed to help people with mobility issues enjoy intimacy. Positioning  aids include angled cushions or sex swings and chairs.

Sex toys can be a great way to explore either by yourself or with your partner. They can also help you navigate changes to sexual function that you may experience as you get older. Toys can be especially helpful if you or your partner have arthritis or other issues with dexterity. Some are designed to be accessible with easy-grip handles or a remote control.

Trying different activities

As you get older, you may find that you don’t enjoy some of the sexual activities that you used to – or that what you enjoy changes. It’s completely normal for your needs to change. For example, you find yourself less interested in sex and intimacy. That’s not necessarily the sign of a bigger issue. However, if you’re sex drive decreases, but you’d still like to be having sex, speak to your doctor.

Whatever changes you experience, it’s important to speak openly with your partner, if you have one. This will allow you to explore new ways of intimacy that meet your separate needs.

Exploring different types of intimacy, such as cuddling, kissing, or masturbation, can help you feel sexually and intimately fulfilled.

Your physical health

As we get older, it's more likely that we'll develop a health condition such as a heart problem, arthritis or dementia.

If you're diagnosed with a health condition, it's sensible to check with your doctor that it's safe for you to be having sex.

Sometimes, the emotional stress that comes with a new diagnosis can impact your sex life. For instance, your partner might be worried about hurting or overexciting you. In turn, if your condition left scars or required amputation, you might worry about how your partner sees you now.

It might be that a health condition has made one of you more dependent on the other, too. This can have an impact on your sexual relationship.

Whatever the situation, it’s important to talk about your concerns and feelings with your partner.

You could try some new things together to see what feels good for you both. If physical pain or discomfort is an issue, you can also speak to your doctor – they should be able to help.

Health conditions and medication

Lots of us develop health conditions or start taking new medication as we get older – and this can sometimes affect our sex lives.

Conditions such as arthritis, chronic pain and diabetes can all have an impact on how much you want – or enjoy – sex. Movement might be uncomfortable, or you might experience reduced sensation or difficulties with sexual function.

Surgery can also impact your sex life - whether it was you or your partner who had surgery. It’s important to speak to your doctor about how long you should wait after surgery before having sex again.

Mental health

Changes to your mental health can affect your interest in sex, your confidence, and how you communicate with your partner.

Changes to your sex life or sexual function can also impact your mental health and self-esteem. Talking to your partner about how you’re feeling could be a good place to start.

Some medications used to treat anxiety, and depression can affect your sex drive and sexual function, which can be frustrating. If this is happening to you, speak to your doctor about changing your dosage or the type of medication you’re on. It’s important that you don’t stop taking your medication without speaking to your doctor.